The new school year is now well underway at ISB. Heading back to school after two months of vacation is a major change, requiring many to shift schedules and accommodate for different activities. For international school students, the transition can be even more complicated. Many students have spent the break in their home country, reconnecting with family and friends only to return to Thailand missing their loved ones and feeling homesick. Returning students are coming back to the same place but oftentimes without the same friends due to the transient nature of international living. New students are not only adjusting to a new school, but often to a new country and way of life. While many adults and children are capable of accepting the changes, some kids have a harder time getting used to the new aspects of their lives.
Child anxiety specialist Rhonda C. Martin, a licensed professional clinical counselor and author of “Stuck” – a guide for kids and parents dealing with anxiety and obsessive compulsive disorders, compiled a list of warning signs that something might be amiss in your child’s transition back to school. The following behaviors, excerpted from the article Signs Your Child is Not Adjusting to School, (CBS NEWS STAFF September 17, 2012, 12:00 PM), may indicate that your child’s adjustment is not going smoothly.
Complaints of stomach aches before or after school
Some of the most common complaints from children with hidden school issues are stomach aches, diarrhea and nausea. These kids visit the restroom multiple times while getting ready for school, don’t “feel like” participating in after-school activities and significantly change their eating patterns.
Creation of rituals or rigid routines
Children who feel distress from a loss of control during the school day often create ritual and routines that “must” be followed.
For example, a child who has a specific seven-step bedtime routine that must be carried out perfectly may be struggling with school adjustment issues. The child who sets his or her clock one hour earlier than necessary and who slowly completes morning preparations may be making a preemptive move to control the day.
Increased cravings for white flour carbs, white sugar-based foods
Significant changes in food preferences that include increases in consumption of white flour and white sugar-based foods may indicate a child’s body is trying to address excessive stress chemicals.
Anxious kids should instead eat protein, vegetables, and whole fruit to nurture their bodies. Eating the wrong foods when stressed only exacerbates the negative symptoms and continues the maladaptive stress cycle.
Significant increases in sibling rivalry
Most children become more amiable and cooperative when they have a structured schedule with predictable events. As a result of this tendency, many parents will notice deviations from the normal schedule – such as three-day weekends, winter and spring breaks – as times when there is increased conflict and disharmony between siblings. Usually during the summer months, fights between siblings are at a high as well. Most families can expect an increase in peace and harmony by the end of September. But, if an increase in sibling rivalry occurs and is maintained after the first month of school, this could be a red flag for parents.
Unable to fall asleep after third week of school
When a summer filled with late nights and sleeping-in ends abruptly, parents should expect a period of adaptation while children adjust to the new bedtime and early alarm clock. However by the third week of school, children should be used to the daily demands and calibrated to sleep at bedtime. If they haven’t adjusted, it may be a sign of a bigger problem.
Increases in use of unacceptable words, language
Using foul or inappropriate language may sometimes be due to mental exhaustion, fatigue, frustration or unhappiness in general or with a particular issue. Preschoolers may increase the words “stupid, dumb and idiot” in their vocabulary. Elementary children may repeat words used in video games such as “kill, die, death” and even some four-letter words. Older children may repeat phrases about death and killing and use a multitude of curse words. Noticeable changes in vocabulary may indicate other problems that a parent should address.
Remains stuck on minor negative events instead of focusing on evening activities
When a child comes home from school and fixates for hours on what a classmate called him or her at lunch and “refuses” to go to football practice attention is warranted. If the child is angry that another group of students would not let him or her play with them at recess and cries about this through dinner, those daytime concerns become “stuck.”
Parents should be on the lookout if their children with school stress become stuck on such issues for long periods of the evening and at bedtime as well.
Increased intolerance for directions, chores
Distressed children can only focus on one thing at a time. Interruptions, directives, transitions or chores may cause a meltdown for these kids.
A parent may ask a child to pick up her shoes, socks and backpack, but the child returns a loud shriek because she is watching her favorite TV show. A parent may indicate that it is time to take a sibling to soccer, but the child curses a string of inappropriate words while he or she continues to play a video game. In these cases, the child’s aversion to distractions may be a sign of a problem that needs to be addressed.
Cannot name four children they like at school
Most well-adjusted, happy children can readily name five to 10 children that they like at school. Many who are struggling with bullying, shyness, anxiety or depression struggle to name one or two friendly children.
Parents should ask their child to name those he or she likes and give prompts, such as, “Who is your favorite friend at lunch?,” “Who do you like to sit with on the bus?” and “Who do you play with at recess?” Make certain that the child can name a nice circle of friends including a few dependable “can always go to” friends.
Cannot be comforted with favorite things
Young children generally can be comforted with a favorite blanket, stuffed animal, doll or movie. Older children can usually relax when playing a video game, emailing a friend, engaging in a sport or going to the mall with a few friends.
Parents should be familiar with three or four comfort items/activities and present them often to the child when something seems amiss. If the child consistently remains distressed in the presence of such items, it may be cause for concern.
What to do
If you’re worried about your child’s transition back to school, or to ISB, please contact your child’s counselor (Grade 6: Carmel Keane, carmelk@isb.ac.th, Grade 7: Karen Kinsella, karenk@isb.ac.th, Grade 8: Colleen Coady colleenc@isb.ac.th)